It's been an experience

Today it's been three weeks for Shawna not to touch alcohol. She is insistant on going back to school and has taken the steps to do on her own. In Prc. this weekend - wonderful to get away. Scott went to the dr. and may have mersa or staph. His face looks horrible. Had Lee's mom over for dinner. I know she gets lonely but this is our only time together. Have been working on my mother's day cards. Will be leaving for Hawaii in about a week. Gosh, do we need that getaway. Staying out of the thrift stores. I really don't need a thing and really trying to get down on the volume of crap. Lee said I spent $800. in thrift stores last month. That seemed like a lot but maybe I did. Went to my first "codependency" meeting last Wed. Really liked it and the women are soooo neat. Just hanging in there.

Tomorrow's the day. .

Shawna will drug test for the 3rd time tomorrow morn. to get into Sal Army rehab. I hope she tests neg so she can get on with her life. It is a six mo program which she isn't interested in but beggers can't be choosers, right? I go to the dr. tomorrow myself. Feeling very down and depressed. I just hate it when I'm like this. Can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I am going to start walking again and I do think that helps. later

Tues 4/08/08

Shawna has decided to go to the Sal.Army. She really wanted to go to one she found on the web for 7300. and I told her we just do not have the money. She's suppose to go in on Fri AM. On Thurs. her plan is to go to Cigna and get her meds filled -xanax, adderal, clonapine,& valium. I called today to speak to her dr. She didn't even call back. She had a sec. call me to say that the records would be noted but that she would not discuss the case with me. Now I have tried everything that I can and that's it. Lots of prayers are going her way and I do believe in the power of prayer.

Shawna discharged

At 2:38 this morning Rob called to say that Shawna needed a rehab not a psych unit and that he was dropping the petition. He took her to the Sal.Army rehab for intake. She was denied because of the drugs that were given her in the hospital, specifically Adavant. So on Mon. 7th Lee will take her back for another drug test and is neg. she will be admitted for a six month stay. She chose to go with Rick (????) for the night instead of staying at home like we asked. Lee had even disabled her car to keep her here. He all of the sudden had wheels. We have no control over her so she went regardless, of our wishes. Now she's saying that she needs to see her dr. Mon. before going in to get her meds. ie; adderal, xanax, valium, clonapin. The psych insists she doesn't need these and was abusing them. I agree. I do not know her drs. name but if I did I would certainly give him a call. I'm thinking it's Ted Ware's dr. or Cigna in Scts. It seems it's always something. Scott's birthday is tomorrow - he'll be 36!! Amazing.

Shawna transferred tonight

Just got home, exhausted again. Shawna was finally trans. to the psych facility to be evaluated. I was with her when the police came to pick her up. I had taken down some deordorant because the hospital doesn't provide it - strange. Anyway, I think she'll only be down there a day or two and then probably released. It's been a long, very long 8 days. I pray she'll never, ever drink again but it's really up to her. This was the worst ever. She was so wild. I need to get back to walking and crafting and relax. Tomorrow's another day.

Discharged from SHC today

Well, it's been one week today, plus a day since Shawna was first admitted to Co. Hospital. She has been in ICU in Scottsdale since Thurs. and Now we are at Tues. I hated to do this but had no option other than plan her funeral. I petitioned the Courts for a psych eval. and Court ordered treatment plan. After what I've been thru - Man!! Eating her sheets thinking it was a chicken sandwich, trying to swallow her oxygen gizmo so that had to put it on her toe and try to chew the 5 wires to her pic line into her hear into because it was a chicken leg. Scott drove me down to Mesa to pickup her belongings at the rehab because the dr. says that this isn't right for her at this time. I'm hoping after the eval. we can step forward and keep her sane and sober and clean. The tremors were horrible this time. Lee was up to see her for about 10 mins. It was mostly ME, once again!! I have to ask myself, Why???? I suppose I love her so much that it is the only thing I can do when feeling so helpless as a MOM. Was exhausted last nite and slept for 11 1/2 hrs. I think emotionally and mentally that I just crashed. She is so terribly verbally abusive when she is drinking or still has alcohol in her. I got a taste of that tonight and decided after 30 mins. it was time to leave. Life does go on. I keep praying for stength and guidance.